It was a Tuesday afternoon and everyone wanted to go shopping but I was still in my light pink and gold royalty themed pajamas and I smelled like fritos. My big cousin Jenny was visiting us for the week, which means I would be attached to her by the limb.

“Jenny! Make sure Jocelyn gets in the shower and help her out so we can leave soon!” My mom shouted. When I heard that I immediately hid and protested. “Jocey! You have to shower, get your stinky little butt out here!” I didn’t care, I ran and hid, showering was the last thing I wanted to do when my family was visiting. Eventually Jenny caught me and threw me in the bathroom, “Okay, now get in the shower, I’ll be back with your new clothes.” Even at a young age I was sarcastic and stubborn as hell. “Oh, get in the shower? That’s it? I don’t have to undress or wet my hair? Okay.” I thought to myself as I stepped into the shower, fully dressed while crossing my arms. The water hit my pajamas but I stood there frigid. My arms were crossed and I had a smackable smirk on my face. I told them again and again that I didn’t want to shower now, that I could do it after the mall, but no one listened, so I’m gonna give them a hard time and it’s all their fault. Jenny came back and all the joy in her face fell flat when she saw me in my soaking pajamas. “What a little smart ass-” she mumbles under her breath, “Tia Emilyyy, look what your stubborn daughter did. I told her to get in the shower and she literally went in fully clothed.” My mom and tia Cheli both peaked their heads through and gave me a slap on the wrist. Then I had to take off my heavy clothes and shower for real. It took the double amount of time it was supposed to. I was six. I’m an expert procrastinator.

I procrastinated writing this blog, it’s currently Wednesday, the seventeenth of February, and my class starts in two hours and twenty minutes. This was due on Monday. I’m not even close to my word count. *smiley face emoji with sunglasses* I had a three day weekend but I waited until now to get started. I remembered this assignment last night and by last night I mean midnight because I even procrastinate sleeping! Yes, sleeping, the thing humans depend on for energy and overall good health AND feels good, yeah I wait till the last possible minute to do THAT so…imagine what the other areas in my life look like. At midnight I decided to play my favorite addicting game, Sims 4. My online schooling ends at four o’clock but you know, I was way too busy doing productive things for those eight hours in between, righttt? It’s a blur but I’m pretty sure I watched youtube videos, ate snacks cause I didn’t wanna cook anything, contemplated posting on my instagram, deleting that post, then posting it again, just to do that four or five more times then finally deciding to not care. I also messaged a cute boy and then waited the appropriate amount of time to text back between each text to avoid looking, “too available” which is somewhere between seven and twenty minutes. Three other friends texted me too so I talked to them for a while. Then I opened the instagram app every three minutes to check the number of likes and comments I got. My brothers come into my room uninvited and mess around so I play and soon after chase them out. When I sit back down in my chair I look at the time and go “Sheeeesh, I guess it’ll have to wait for tomorrow.” Then tomorrow comes and I’m mad as hell.

All of that was just an evening in my life, I can procrastinate anything and anytime for the longest. Did you know I got a tv for Christmas? It’s been on my wall, black for a month and a half now. I haven’t turned it on for nada. “Ehh what show would I watch? How about The Originals? Nah that’s a whole eight seasons of emotional attachment, I just finished The Vampire Diaries and that left a DENT on my heart, long live Stephan, the sweet and kind vampire hottie. Okay what about Stranger Things? No way, that show gets too much hype, what if I hate it and it’s stuck on my continue watching list forever? Plus, I wouldn’t want my brand new screen pixels adjusting to that, they need an honorable opening! Like The Originals? Yes exactly. Okay, so it’s settled, watch that. No no, I can’t turn that thing on now, I haven’t filled out my FAFSA for college yet, if I start the series now it’ll never get done. Fine, then fill it out now so you can finally use your own tv! Nahhh, tomorrow.”

I am unstoppable. No one can beat me, go ahead, I dare you to try. Many people play in my sport, procrastination, but they only scratch the surface. A noob will get an assignment and decide to eat a healthy meal before starting it, once they’re full they decide an episode of their favorite show would be a nice harmless treat. But nine minutes into their favorite sitcom and they start fidgeting, squirming and biting their fingernails. The weight of the incomplete assignment looming over their heads, they can’t even enjoy their own show anymore! So they shoot up, turn the tv off, and head straight back to work. “What a procrastinator I am, woe is me” they think to themselves, boo boo your assignment is due next Friday one minute before midnight. Noob behavior. A pro like me can watch a whole season of The Office with something due that night. If you wanna be even close to an expert you gotta perfect the lifestyle of “there’s always tomorrow”